Berlengas

Unnecessary personal anecdote:

The year is 2007. I’m about to start secondary school, and so naturally it was time for a change. A new haircut to welcome me into manhood. Unfortunately for me, the old local barber must have mistaken me for a girl (I was a very pretty 10 year old) and gave me the same haircut as my mum. As he put the finishing touches to my shoulder length bob, I realised there was no way I could get another haircut before school tomorrow. So, on my first day, I had to proudly breach the gates looking like a young Karen in the making. 

Nature – We were told to expect beautiful hikes, amazing beaches, and for the older souls, some top-notch birdwatching.

• Do not expect beautiful hikes. The landscape is flat, dead, and barren. You also can’t walk on most of it because it’s protected ground, so you’re herded along single dirt paths. 
• The beach (singular) is lovely and the water is amazing (despite being freezing cold). It also has this amazing feature of bringing people together. How you may ask. Well, around midday (depending on the time of the year), the sun starts to hide behind the surrounding cliffs, slowly plunging the entire beach into complete darkness by about 4pm, requiring everyone to cram in closer together in the remaining slithers of sunlight.
• As far as I’m aware, there are only two types of birds that you don’t need to go bird watching for, as they annoyingly hover around you – Pigeons and Seagulls. So unless they bring back the childhood nostalgia of Finding Nemo for you, forget about it. 

Staying the night – No one had mentioned that we should stay the night, but thank god we did. Sunset, stars, and seagull sex. What more could you wish for?

• We stayed the night on their “campsite” which was basically just flat patches of dirt, but it did the trick. Just bring an air mattress because a yoga mat did not suffice. 
• The sunset was one of the highlights, and wouldn’t be available if you caught the last boat back. 
• On a clear night the sky is amazing, you can even make out the milky-way stretching out overhead. 
• Once the last boat departs, it brings with it a sense of quiet and peace to the island which is beautiful. That is, until you try to go to sleep and get truly demoralised by the sexual stamina of the average seagull.

Facilities – Despite the salt water taps and occasional overflowing toilet, the facilities on this little island were surprisingly decent. 

• I’ve never been very brave when it comes to public bathrooms, but the restaurant has nice ones so just buy a bottle of water from there and save yourself the trouble. 
• Some of the food options in the restaurant were quite expensive, but they had some reasonably priced classics (burgers, steak) which were very good for my low standards. 
• There is a fort you can stay in, but be warned, it’s quite a hike from the restaurant. 

Boats, boats, boats! – On the plus side, the boat companies do have websites. On the downside, all the information is wrong. Give them a call. They’re very helpful.

• We went with Viamar. Friendly staff, reasonable prices, bumpy ride. 
• We rented a kayak on the second day. Probably the highlight of the trip. The afternoon groups were busier than the morning ones but there’s a cave that looks nicer in the afternoon apparently, so pick your poison. 
• If you don’t have the athleticism for kayaking, there are boat tours, but they were pretty crowded. 

Quick checklist – Here’s what to do:

So, if by some miracle anyone other than our loyal friends and family are reading this, and you end up going to the island yourself, let us know what you think!